Between Wife and Parents

I soomat, my age 29 years, I have a wife who was younger than 2 years of age to enter marriage almost 5 years of marriage we have been blessed with a daughter who was 4 years old. Honest beginning of our marriage is the MBA (married by accident), it has no effect since the beginning of our love and affection, especially to our daughter. But everything changed in the last 2-3 years, starting from the argument between my wife with my mother, a fight that makes my wife was hurt and did not receive the words of my mother, that I completely changed since I married my wife. I admit since I am married to my wife, I like living in another world and escape from the world which I knew, mainly because of the work spent 6-7 days a week, so that the time for keluargapun out, but on the other side of the wife sayapun too hard, not even if asked to show my big family. My big family so close so often a family event.
At first I tried to give sense to my family reasons could not come due to work, but over time they begin to think negatively of my wife, until finally there was an argument, so that sometimes I give in and prefer not attend to my family event with the risk of my wife and I will talk about all kinds of my large family, it was a dilemma for me, because the information I can, my father and mother seem to cry when asked, where I? come or not? because I was the first child and is a favorite of my mother.
Because I had to succumb to not attend the funeral of his grandmother and pakde, where I was very close to them. Lately I like deliberately kept away from my old world, because often the phone numbers from old friends or one of my family (aunt, om and others) missing from my phone contact list mysteriously, on the one hand I see the factor of My family is also a lack of understanding of my job situation, like the last example that caused my wife hurt, in December 2008 I forget and I do not remember days and dates wedding anniversary my father and mother, just because I forgot to say "happy birthday years of marriage "I immediately received a text message from the bad my father. SMS is making my wife feel very offended because it is not considered.
Of all these events, over time make you tired of having to choose between my wife or my parents, where I hope to choose both, but my wife is very hard to sayapun Silaturrahim invited to my big family, she told me that my parents met him not there is a problem, but Itupun not without constraints, in addition to my job factors, factors besides location away from the house my parents, so to go there very draining time and energy (because I ride motorcycles), if I'm honest I do not personally have a problem, but I pity the child, not possible if I go alone or alone with the wife, because they would want to see their grandchildren, too.
Sometimes my wife likes to remind when to go to my parents house, but it was at that moment I could not and when I'm able, I invite the wife is always a reason, this-that, I myself was surprised sebenernya intention or not to go to my parents house.
I'm confused by this situation, especially from my wife, because she used to say occasionally call him to just say hello-law and grandson, but when contacted not appointed or if there is my direct phone given to me, whereas if he knows my phone mreka office (or when I work) he was angry, to the extent that any call from my family, immediately removed from the call listnya. When my family came to the office, I also did not tell my wife, because I was tired of noisy with my wife the same problem.
Please help for the best solution of the problems I face today, because I was not sure what, if separation can not imagine I separated from my children, maybe this time I hold to my son, was too dizzy with wife problems with parents who There never seemed a solution. For your attention, I thank you.
soomat Answer
Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
Soomat the blessed Father God Almighty,
A family was not always go smoothly, as you did, and probably many other families. I hope that under any circumstances you still show a strong commitment as a husband, which is trying to become a responsible husband. In a difficult situation to find a job today, be thankful that you've worked, even though you are busy working and reduce the frequency Silaturrahim with large families. But I hope you can overcome this by improving the quality of their relationships.
Soomat the blessed Father God Almighty,
About the problems between parents and wife, is a priority to be resolved; only then with the other large families. Make this as a learning problem of life. You can view it from a positive perspective. Apresiasilah good intentions and hope your family in this case. Berhusnudhonlah or prejudice either against what is expected of them. Think of it as a positive thing that the parents were still so concerned, this is a great goodwill and in their heart, sir. Their desire was driven by a sense of affection for your wife and family, but communication does not become an obstacle smoothly. On the other hand pay attention to the needs of his wife, listen, and not as to the wishes of a large family to sacrifice even his own family, yes sir. Be a party to mediate between his wife and family. Be fair and husband in the act proportionally.
Soomat the blessed Father God Almighty,
Of course your family as a primary obligation to build the family a loving wife and children, priority in this endeavor, sir. When to reach families who sakinah mawaddah warohmah have obstacles that arise, then evaluate and always introspective. Could be obstacles arise due to a mistake on the parents or maybe your wife. Related to the wife, as the family priest then you have an obligation to educate his wife and guide on the correct understanding. Lead to know their obligations wife after marriage, the obligation on you as well as a large family. But on the other hand Andapun should provide a good example that you also consider the interests of his wife and watched his wife's family. Is not the best lesson is through the example? Be strong mentally to be patient wife accept this problem and also accompanied with a prayer for his wife opened her heart to close on your big family. Take the wife in the forum to study, or consultation with local ustadz that your wife being a woman can receive shalihat and family life husband and ready to accompany her husband through thick and thin.
Mr. Soomat blessed by Allah swt.
It could be the trigger also comes from a large family party who do not understand your wife's condition; you can give them understanding of the reasons that it is technically difficult for the quantity of your visit. However, current facilities, phone, sms, chat, I think it could be a bridge connection with a large family that does not cut off. Occasionally set aside small gifts to be sent by post if you have a hard drive. Tell them that this gift from your wife, for lying to reconcile including allowed. Insha Allah with a gentle explanation but still straightforward, honest and respectful then the parents and family you would understand.
Fixed hang hope on God Almighty for He is the Compassionate and Merciful. Increase in His worship, practice Sadaqah though not how, may be a means of coming to your family solution. Stay istiqomah yes, sir ...! Do not think if there is a problem, then the divorce is always the best solution. Rest assured: "inna ma'al 'ushri yusro", in fact, hardship is no easy ..! Amen.
And Allaah knows best-bish shawab
Wassalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu
Bu Urba